Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
