Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
