i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
