I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
