DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
