I think im going to throw up on grandma
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
