Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize