She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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