I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
