Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
