She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
