I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
