My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
