i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
