I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she looked like the before picture.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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