just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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