I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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