please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
