Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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