She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
