are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
