I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
ok first of all what the fuck
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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