I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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