he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
