dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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