better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
