how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
