2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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