i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And then my night got REAL pukey
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
