I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
