I'm going to jail i love you
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Be still, my beating vagina.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
