OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
