FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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