vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize