New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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