apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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