I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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