We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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