Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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