I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize