Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
