it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
