Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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