Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
