Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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