does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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