I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
