We won't sleep together?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
