That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
