he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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