Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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