Im at strip club and am horny
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
