his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
