i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
