youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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