like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
