I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
