$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
