you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
