U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
