if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize