Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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