plz talk dirty to me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
