I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
