I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
