Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize