Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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