My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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