Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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