walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
