I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize