i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
