Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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