I bet he comes in French.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
