you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
